santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   santa just touched my no no spot. :(

   the best times to have a breakup...christmas, valentines and her birthday

   jaegermeister: its like running down the stairs on Xmas morning and then realizing your Jewish.

   This "fancy" wine rack I got for Christmas is total crap. NONE of these boxes fit at all

   I feel like the little kid before Christmas... cant wait to get up and see what St. Patty has for me under the keg !

   St. Patrick -- one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.

   Time's running out if you want a chance at a Christmas / New Year baby.. I'm free for the next couple nights..

   does find it very funny that on the news they have immigrants who want to vote Tory !! just like turkeys voting for christmas ... they might aswell vote BNP !! buy hey , at least they won`t have to pay a higher tax rate !!

   Only 259 more shopping days till Christmas

   once my kid learned how to read I had to explain why all his Christmas presents said 'Made in China'

   I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, sh!t on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me B!tch." I don't own a hamster.

   -- My girlfriend pulled up a chair earlier and said..... "We need to talk about our future."..... I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be f***ing mental - we'll have flying cars, shiny silver suits, holidays on the moon!"...Needless to say - I'm now f***ing single !

   After undergoing a sex change operation, a judge in Santa Monica granted Chaz Bono's petition to be recognized legally as a man. He celebrated by leaving the toilet seat up.

   I was in Walmart the other day and noticed they had some Obama Christmas tree decorations for sale...I guess they figure it's okay to hang a black man from a tree now.......

   wondering why unemployment didn't find it funny when I sent them a bill for overtime due to excessive hours of job searching on weekends, nights and holidays.

   Will work for salary and benefits with an annual cost of living increase but not on weekends, statutory holidays, or during 3-week vacation.

   so far so good.... no unexpected father's day cards or presents!

   What do Edward Cullen and a Christmas tree have in common? Their tiny balls sparkle.

   if any more of these Mel Gibson tapes get released you'll be able to buy the box set from Time Life by XMas

   In an effort to boost sales, some stores are doing a "Christmas in July" completes with holiday music, decorations and sales. Nothing will put you in a buying/holiday/festive mood like Santa in a speedo.