life Funny Status Messages

   Life is just a long, sick game of "Would you rather."

   It is amazing how life is full of the most beautiful things, some people see them as beautiful and bright, some see them as dark and mysterious, is there always a bright light at the end? I'm just glad I can see them!

   In life everything has a Yin & a Yang. Without demoralizing Monday mornings, there would be no debaucherous Friday nights.

   Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.

   When life gets too stressful, sometimes you need professional help. Hire a prostitute, they're highly-trained at stress release.

   Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you're hot.

   Life could be worse....woman could get away with murdering their baby daughter while a doctor who gives his client illegal drugs and he dies could end up going to jail. Oh wait.....

   I fear that if the Mississippi "life begins at conception" bill passes, my army of tissue babies will rise up & take over the world.

   The only reason why your girlfriend likes your d!ck, it because her momma told her to enjoy the little things in life

   It would be so cool if I could see what my life would be like if I had made different decisions.

   I thought a friend said, "you should get a life." I replied "F**k you!" He explained that he actually said, "you should get a WIFE." My reply stayed the same.

   What the hell is everyone's deal with lemons? - Life handing out stuff

   Admit it, Once in your life, you've tried to guess someone's password but failed

   A life without love is like a year without summer.

   Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't do well in a hot car trunk all day.

   Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

   Retired members of the House/Senate get $174k for life. Our veterans get 10% unemployment & a pat on the back. I need to go throw up now.

   If you make a wish at 11:11 on 11/11/11 it will come true. Provided that your wish was to waste seconds of your life

   It's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at that line for the rest of your life.

   Talking about me behind my back? That means my life is obviously more interesting than yours.