Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Doctor, I think I'm a deck of cards!" The doctor says, "Sit in the waiting room, I'll deal with you later."

   When the sun goes down and the beer starts flowing...that's when the really good ideas come out!

   ‎"I'm sorry"~Reggie Bush

   Just rescued a beer that was trapped in the fridge!

   I wonder if Edward Cullen's Load looks like glitter glue??

   I got "I love you.", tattooed on my penis... my girlfriend said "Quit trying to put words in my mouth!".

   would shove an eggbeater up Gordon Ramsey's creepy, arrogant arse if he he ever talked to me they he does to the restauranteurs on his show.

   mark wahlberg said "The world needs Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber is like the white Tupac compared to a lot of people out there." marky mark need to go back to rehab for PCP.

   McDonald's will soon be issuing a burger for the monsoon in Pakistan. With every burger purchased they will send a raincoat to each victim of the disaster. The new PAKI MAC will be on sale on Monday.

   How do you scare a Brit half to death?Dress like a dental hygienist

   will stop drinking when captain morgan puts his foot down.

   A study finds that most US currency is laced with cocaine. In fact, most dollar bills have a street value of $1.07.

   Baywatch" is now showing on Comedy Central ...Ironic..I thought it was a Drama

   ‎31 States, 1618 Languages, 6 Major Religions, 29 National Festivals, 1 Country!! Happy Independence Day INDIA!!!

   Dear Men,if you are going to criticise a womans figure or any other aspect of her appearance please make 100% sure that you are Brad pitt or Johnny Depp...

   Before a Break up, Always have a Back up !!

   Happy birthday Dora the explorer now we can get you a GPS

   if you have to ask how someone feels about you then the answer is not going to be good...

   I love people that go to the beach w. a t shirt over their bathing suit, I think that draws more attention to whatever ur trying to hide

   2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f*ck up"