Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People always mean 50% of what they say when they are joking. "You are 200% idiot!" Don't get angry, I was joking!

   i am a member of the C.S.I cant stand idiots

   'Beautiful women make us buy beer, ugly women make us drink beer'

   What do you mean push #1 for English???

   saw Inception earlier....now I am spinning things on my desk to see if maybe I am dreaming.

   Grab your balls..... We're going bowling!

   Fat people are hard to kidnap!..

   4:19 almost there... just one more minute..

   50% single...

   I don't have A.D.D.. you're just boring me.

   I don't know what makes you dumb.. but it REALLY works..

   Immigrants are like sperm, millions get in but only one works...

   Revenge is my policy...

   She's fat, I'm drunk, IT'S ON!

   Let's flip a coin, Heads I get Tail Tails I get Head!

   1/20/13 The End Of An Error

   It is often said cooking is an art. But I have very few meals that I would hang on my wall.

   Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

   I bet the person who started booty slappin in football was gay

   just stole this status from someone who stole it from someone else.