Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   After Christmas

   Funny Christmas

   To get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays, put it in an Amazon box and leave it on the porch.

   Instead of your New Year resolution centering around smoking and dieting, how about working on not being an asshole?

   You women may be surprised to learn, that making us sleep on the couch isn't that bad. It's kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping... with a really angry bear nearby.

   Okay now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for summer!

   I’m not sure what to wear to the living room for New Year’s Eve. I might not even go.

   Any website can be a dating website... if you're from India.

   I haven’t been this excited about a new year since last year.

   Not to brag but cashier's always check me out.

   Today is 2/366. This is a leap year, which means the earth gave you an extra day to make things how you want.

   Already messed up 2024. Maybe 2025 will be my year.

   When I get bored, I like to call in sick to places that I don't work. Today, I am getting written up at Kohl's.

   NOT 1 MAN ANYWHERE IN HISTORY HAS EVER LOOKED AT A WOMAN AND SAID , YEA SHE'S PRETTY BUT IF ONLY SHE DREW HER EYEBROWS ON SHE'D BE SMOKIN HOT .

   I went to a resturant yesterday and I ordered the soup of the day. When they brought it I said, "This is chicken noodle soup. On the sign it says that the soup of the day is clam chowder." The waiter told me that because it's a leap year, all the soups ar

   Kids these days will never know the pain not being able to see a movie because they are all rented out.

   Getting married is like going to the restaurant. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that...

   January

   If you buy all your horse tack from Amazon is it considered a Mail-Order Bridle?

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