Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I can't afford the shakeweight, but I wish there was another activity that I can apply the principles to...

   For Mel Gibson, how does every black joke start? By looking over his shoulder

   Some people would not be born if alcohol was never invented.

   You're so fake, Barbie is jealous

   Lohan who? I cant believe the news coverage being given to a spoiled 20-something yr old. Here are a few 20 yr-olds worth knowing about: Justin Allen 23, Brett Linley 29, Justus Bartett 27, This week they gave their lives serving out Country

   If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

   95% of People who say, "Study! Study! Study!" during finals week are actually reading...Too bad they don't realize Facebook is not actually a book.....

   I can't be your knight in shining armor.....but I DO have aluminum foil!

   should be able to assist and speed up the Charles Darwin theory of Natural Selection!!!!

   Women, can't live with them.... can't live with them

   Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil

   With great power comes great responsibility... but... with great amounts of beer comes a great excuse...

   keep your issues in your tissue box, and learn how to keep them out of your status box..

   I just saw Inception and I'm pretty sure I dreamt that movie the other night...

   wonders what the guys from Color Me Badd are doing nowadays because I need a new roof.

   Sometimes I think the world would be much better off without so much technology. - Sent from my iPhone

   Winnie the Pooh is a bad ass. Anyone that can be THAT fat, lazy, obliviously self absorbed and loved by all is a genius in my book.

   The skeletons in my closet have requested a walk in!!!

   WTF It's been 25 something years since Charlie Bucket took over the Chocolate factory,and we are still buying Wonka Bars! I want a damn Bucket Bar! I know wonka picked the wrong kid. Veruca Salt would if had her own bar by know.

   I FOUND THE GOLDEN TICKET!!!!!! FUGG ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SAID I WAS CRAZY!!! ALL MY HATERS CAN KISS....... oh wait........ It's just a twixx