Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We have a huge water crisis here! So I'm trying to make the biggest effort that I can to help conserve. With that said, I'm about to take a shower, if any ladies would like to join me then by all means come on in, we must save our precious h2o. HA! =p

   I don't know what makes my friend more a loser the fact that I found a Rihanna's cd in his car or the fact that he always likes his own facebook status.

   I am my own worst enemy, and the enemy has really bad gas weaponry.

   You know you're lonely when your friends on Grand Theft Auto don't even answer the phone.

   You know you're lonely when your friends on Grand Theft Auto don't even answer the phone.

   i used to think Facebook was made by a woman since it changed appearance and became more complicated so much, but now.. I am positive it is ran by a guy, after all the suggested poking of girls it wants me to do.

   not fat, I'm just kidnap resistant.

   My friend is having a baby so I went to birthing class with her, and woohoo! I now know how to wrap a doll in a burrito

   <~ clicks on all the ads to the right on Facebook and marks them ALL offensive, no matter what they are advertising ! Ima rebel like that !

   I am not childish!! Stop calling me that you big doo doo head.

   I'm thinking comic-con might be the place to look for Bin Laden this week. Easy to find 72 virgins there...

   Lindsay Lohan is due to be released from jail after only 5 days. The other top story, on Wall Street drug and alcohol stocks soared.

   If breast/penis enlargment cream worked, wouldn't your hands get bigger?

   I went Clubbing with my Inuit Friends from Canada tonight. Not what I expected. Poor seals!

   Im not random...you just cant think as fast as me! :)

   My wife has me held captive by her love.. and these handcuffs. But don't call the cops, this is not a cry for help.

   Sticks and stones may break my bones, but this gun in my purse will KILL you.

   gravity is every blnode's enemy

   Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit por

   just woke up....looking for my totem now! :)