Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   its time for you to go now..you've been there to support me and when I couldn't control myself you took the load in your stride, but now after 7 years you've become just too damn clingy....goodbye my sweet little Spiderman underpants...I will miss you

   what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Try telling that to a heart attack victim.

   What do you give to a man who has everything? A burglar alarm.

   have I told you lately that I love you....? No? thats because I can't handle your miserable, twisted, soul destroying face anymore! Oh and by the way....I'm telling someone else I love them while you pack!

   not a Russian spy; regardless of what the news says!

   so as I am leaving to go to work I go to unlock the door to leave...I can feel heat radiating from the door from the outside..I have always been told that if you feel heat you should not open the door....so I guess I should turn around go back to bed I sh

   A teacher asks ”wot part of the body goes to heaven first?”A child replies”feet- coz every nite I c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!

   Let's change the name of the Republicans and Democrats to DUMB & DUMBER.....

   John Mellencamp was a visionary because he knew that Cougar in 2010 would have a very different meaning

   I love my girlfriend! but my wife hate her.

   Living on Earth may be expensive...but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun :)~

   If I got poked in real life as much as I get poked on Facebook, I'd be one happy woman and would never leave my room!!

   ..wonders what would happen if she DIDN'T place the microwave popcorn This Side Up..hmmm

   confidence is the way to a woman's hear, or atleast into her pants

   correction: says confidence is the way to a woman's heart, or atleast into her pants

   focus on living, dying is the easy part

   If love is blind, and hate is deaf, you would think stupid would be mute and yet she just keeps on talking...

   If I poked as much in college as I do on fb, it would have taken me 8 yrs to get an Associates Degree!

   I signed into Facebook so I could find out where all my friends will be this weekend. I now have a list of places to avoid. Strategery, folks.

   I hate those ambulances that drive really slow with with their sirens on. There's one behind me now. So annoying.