Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   An "ex" is called an "ex" because it's an EXample of what you shouldn't have again in the future ;)

   how come everything on a cereal box becomes 10 times more interesting to read when you're eating cereal?

   Censored Snoop Doggy Dogg songs on the radio sound like two AT&T customers having a conversation on the phone.

   I like my women like I like my milk. White and fat free

   Fat girls should not wear tight jeans... just sayin

   thinks instead of asking why your dog eats out of your cat's litter box, maybe you should be asking why your cat is pooping delicious treats!

   my ex got run down by a lorry today.i thought "wow,that could have been me!" but I cant drive a lorry!

   What's the difference between pink and purple? The grip.

   What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.

   I don't get the toilet seat issue that women have. I won't put my naked *ss on anything without looking at it first. Apparently some women are not so discriminating...

   Logged into my Orkut account after a long long time...Found 3 dead mice, a broken light bulb, shattered window pane and a few spider webs...

   desperatly trying to on who came up with the idea of bright colored play toys for dogs if they are colorblind to begin with.

   God please bring 2012 soon I cant take it any more...

   ...is hoping that Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan find each other...

   Mummy I'm 16, Can I wear a bra? ..... No Justin.

   the letter after W and the letter before Y...duh?! :)

   if Paul the octopus was so smart, he wouldn't have been captured in the first place.

   Just said Hi to a person with an ugly smile. I hope there having a good day???

   It's a dog-eat-dog world out there...don't get caught wearing 'milk-bone' underwear!

   R.I.P. Mr. Steinbrenner... I never really "hated" your Yankees, just wish you would have bought the Braves!