Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance mama...

   o═════<()¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤øº♪ ♫ ♪. 90 min of this annoying crap.

   I suspect my Girl might be OCD because she performs a few bizarre rituals. For example, she just made our bed. Who does that?

   "Leprosy can't be all bad. It has "rosy" in its name!" -super positive counselor at a leper colony

   "Hangover" makes it sounds like it's all done now. I'd like to propose the term "hanghappening".

   So yeah I just went outside and I'm pretty sure I won't be doing that again until at least October.

   beer doesn't make me post better Facebook Status updates, it just makes me not care what you think of them.

   I honestly don't care if you think I'm crazy. You're just a figment of my imagination anyway. Coffee:

   for every action there will be someone to have a complete overreaction.

   You post one little joke saying you won the lottery and Facebook finds you 1,347 new possible relatives.

   the only time I get blue b@lls is if the chick has blue lipstick

   I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women h

   Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.

   I never called you crazy... I said you look like you might own 400 cats, but I never actually said "crazy."

   doesn't the woman on googles homepage look kinda manly

   Disrespect: Giving someone half the peace sign without suggesting they are number one

   Dear Apple, I have a new product for you. It's called iAmPissed.

   Crappy Ending (n): When a 45-minute massage ends with a police investigation.

   God has a plan for every1.. if something is meant 2 be it's meant 2 be. Live ur life for today becuase you never know what tomorrow may bring. Tell the ppl you love that you love them, show the ppl you care bout that you care.. Life is 2 short 2 waste..

   when it seems like god isnt answering ur prayers just remember that the teacher never talks during a test