Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Marriage is nature's way of keeping people from fighting with strangers.

   In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

   Freedom of speech is wonderful - right up there with the freedom not to listen.

   Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, ‘What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'

   Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends

   What is this world coming to?! Who names their little girl Justin? Mrs. Bieber you have some explaining to do!

   So how many other corpses did Prince Charming kiss before he finally woke Snow White from her death sleep?

   What's the definition of a missed opportunity? Not introducing Michael Jackson to Justin bieber before he died.

   To those who do not believe that war is the answer... Please enjoy your "Independence Day". Heck enjoy the whole weekend.

   If Gluttony really is a sin, according to a recent poll, 67% of Americans are going straight to hell.

   Dosnt Suffer From Insanity X Enjoy Every Minute Of It :))

   Brazil Play KAKA .. Ah bet Brazilians fans are real MELO now

   whenever I see a guy that looks better then me, I immediately get intimadated that he's gonna take all the girls from me, but later I find out there not into girls. so, it all works out."

   I'm not at all ashamed to admit that I pick my hotels solely based upon the items they show in the pictures of their continental breakfast.

   it's canada day, so to all my canadian followers out there I say, "happy fourth of july in three days."

   I'm not having a kid until they come with built-in mute buttons.

   Going to Mickey D's in the morning. I am pleased to know that my food is already cooked, and will sit under heat lamps until I get there. Yum.....

   BREAKING NBA NEWS: LeBron James has decided to go with Team Jacob

   BP FINALLY stopped the oil leak. They just put a huge wedding ring on top of it and it instantly stopped putting out

   convinced "The Shake Weight" was invented by a man, so as to give the rest of us guys something fun to watch on TV.