Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You guys seriously f**k to Justin Beiber? That's sad.

   thinks its quite funny that my mate with Attention Deficit Disorder drives a Focus.....

   Run little rabbit! Run!

   I swear the vending machine starts talking to me when I'm on a diet. @Squishy_Penguin

   Hurricane Watch for south Texas, blame it on George W. Bush....

   I'm dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong.

   I like the new "like" button to "like" someone's response to a status they possibly "like." So, like, when can they add a dis-"like" button? You know, like to use on this status.

   I didn't realize until Facebook that most of my friends are wannabe farmers, gangsters or cooks.

   I need a way to change my relationship status to "Out of Order" or "Temporarily Out of Service."

   I know two wrongs doesn't make a right, but I'm determined to find out just how many wrongs will.

   Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.

   I love how I don't have to watch the weather channel, I just sign onto Facebook and check the latest status updates.

   Got called "shallow" recently because I said I wasnt really into "plus size" women... received the classic quote, "its not what's on the outside, it's what's inside their heart that counts." yeah, too bad their heart is the size of a Canned Ham.

   Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

   I'm typing this update because some fat, ugly wildebeest just sat across from me in the lunchroom and I want to look busy.. thank you for your support and understanding. It means a lot to me in these times of uncertaint -ok she just left, that was close.

   ...thinks that the web loaded slowly enough before someone came up with the brilliant idea of adding all of these Facebook "Like" buttons...

   thinking that anyone who has sex with a justin bieber CD playing in the room is CLEARLY underage and should STOP!

   got kicked out of a shop.....it said "wet floor"on the sign...so I did....

   Today's facebook Status update is brought to you by the letters "B"..and ored!

   When someone says, "Facebook is stupid." what they really mean is "I don't know how to use a computer."