santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Pffft. The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if he wasn't going to see me 14 more times before then...

   I really hope that I don't get another sweater for Christmas. I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer....

   Setting here wrapping presents with one hand. If someone finds a band aid in theirs Don't touch it, I'm still waiting on them test results.

   'twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming... Just cuz I went into the wrong house

   I went to Jared for my girlfriend's Christmas gift. I'm sure she will love her Subway gift card.

   Memo from Santa: Due to the rising cost of coal, this year people on the naughty list will be receiving Nickelback CDs.

   I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beer.

   You know it was a good christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass.

   I drove by a house today that had about 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting in the North Pole and there were no survivors.

   The average age of the viewing audience of "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is probably 35-45 years old.

   Me putting up with you is your Christmas present

   I will be your Santa if you'll be my hoe hoe hoe!!!

   Are you all done with your Christmas shopping? I bought a lot more people gifts this year than I thought I did. You know why? I used my credit card at Target.

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

   Christmas is a race to seewhich gives out first your money or your feet. 

   I really hope that I don't get another sweater for Christmas. I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer.

   The way my kids freak out on Christmas morning, that's the way I feel right before I open my breakfast beer!

   Twas the morning before Christmas & all across Facebook, friends awake, houses aglitter. Coffee in hand pondering this day & the things that matter.....

   Ah, come on! It's Christmas Eve! I could be home right now, drinking this *monster* eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid.

   Holidays are way too commercialized now a days. Please keep in mind the true meaning of Christmas while and your loved ones put up Christmas lights that are currently 75% off at Walmart!!