Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5426 of 6446

Lady GaGa is performing with Metallica at the Grammys. Sounds like its gonna be an hour of Trump bashing and a couple crappy songs I downloaded on napster 15 years ago.
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02-09-2017 21:29
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You want to know why Trump is so pissed off? Its because the whitehouse smells like coconuts and piss.
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02-09-2017 21:31
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Still waiting for Activision to come out with "Call of Duty" for Atari 2600
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02-09-2017 21:31 by JCGJ
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NEWS UPDATE: Donald J. Trump has dropped Mexico, China and Iran from his enemies list and added the 9th Circuit Court and Nordstrom.
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02-09-2017 23:31 by XX-FOXY
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Are the dangerous parts of Italy called the Spaghetto?
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02-10-2017 00:17 by Cicci
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I think Oprah Winfrey should marry Deepak Chopra and take his last name.
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02-10-2017 06:58
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At our family weddings, we always watch our senile old grandpa to see what dumb thing he will do next. Now Trump fills that role for the whole country.
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02-10-2017 09:51
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I wonder how long buffoons like Spicer and Kellyanne would last on the Apprentice?
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02-10-2017 09:53
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"I decided to go for a walk because I want to stay healthy. I'm also bringing along a box of M&M's because. . . . well, lets be honest here."
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02-10-2017 13:12
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A terrible waitress asked me for a tip last night.... I said don't make snow angels at dog parks.......
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02-10-2017 13:41 by SEAN
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SNL just call me and asked me, If I want to play a character on the show. Apparently they are running out of characters to make fun of in Trump's cabinet
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02-10-2017 15:00 by jbab
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Balls - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your girlfriend with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
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02-10-2017 15:08 by SEAN
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Tonight I changed my wife's contacts in her phone. She should be getting texts tomorrow from Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger and have no idea who they are, I doubt she'll be upset......
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02-10-2017 15:08 by SEAN
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Even Prime MInister Abe of Japan was surprised by how tiny Donald Trump's hands are, and he comes from a nation of tiny-handed people.
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02-10-2017 19:23
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IKEA is just adult LEGO sets
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02-10-2017 22:35 by Eddy
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Boss: Are you high? Me: No, I dont do drugs, it must be the dayquil . Boss: Dayquil doesn't do that . Me: Must be the moonshine then.

"No more Mr. Nice Guy" ~ Mr. Nice Guy's eulogy
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02-10-2017 23:47
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I may be getting older, but I remember back in my day, if you took pics of yourself to show all your mates, you were a faggot.

In 1963, Democrat George Wallace blocked the door to a school to prevent two Black Republicans from entering. I guess Republican is the new b lack ... Just ask Devos
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02-11-2017 12:57
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A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you're single: priceless!
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02-11-2017 13:00
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