Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dont buy condoms at BP gas stations, they may burst and result in a leak...

   Two chinese people had an albino baby last week. Turns out two Wongs do make a white.

   I want to tell you about my dream last night. I don't understand it. It was Greek to me....Έχετε λάβει η στιγμή να μεταφράσει αυτό το όνειρο; έχετε ανάγκη από βοήθεια.

   why is it that when I see a pregnant woman and her man, I always tend to picture them having sex??

   I almost landed a huge fish when my line snapped. It was a reel disappointment...

   I bet you I could stop gambling

   According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes... and women say the first thing they notice about men iss they're a bunch of liars.

   I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me

   In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

   Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!

   thinking Huggies diapers should be brought in as a consultant to the BP leak in the Gulf. If you saw some of the leaks these Huggies have already stopped, then you'd be a believer. LOL

   Can't sleep, maybe I should count my blessings!

   Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks.

   ...is upset about all of these celebrity deaths. First, Rue McClanahan, then, Gary Coleman, and now, Jimmy Dean. I guess you could summarize it as the loss of "sex, drugs, and sausage rolls"....

   ..i blame my typos on my years as a postwoman. Even today I cant help but miss a letter ot two..

   Promises are like babies: easy to make but hard to deliver.

   upset about all of these celebrity deaths. First, Rue McClanahan, then, Gary Coleman, and now, Jimmy Dean. I guess you could summarize it as the loss of "sex, drugs, and sausage rolls"...

   President Obama misunderstood that today is Flag Day. He thought it was Hag Day and took Helen Thomas out to lunch.

   It's been observed that criminals who steal Viagra will face stiff penalties.

   life can taste sour but god can make it sweet