Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   can not believe Google.com banned the word 'gullible' from being entered in the search field!

   I'd be more willing to cuddle with my Wife after sex if she'd be more willing to high-five after sex.

   I'd be more willing to cuddle with my Wife after sex if she'd be more willing to high-five after sex.

   Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake. Then this will be my last status update

   Facebook is doing maintenance on my account. I hope that means they're airbrushing my profile pics!

   there are two types of people in this world, pizza roll people and bagel bites people

   After Al Gore gets divorced, his wife will receive 40 percent of his ego, his ignorance, and the Internet.

   Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?

   This girl tells me "you only call me when your bored "ughhh.... duhh!! why would I call you when i'm busy?!?

   wondering how the Gore's will split the internet in their divorce.

   you know your getting older when your underwear creeps up on you... and you kinda enjoy it...

   If your not barefoot, you're overdressed...

   To save time, lets just assume I'm NEVER wrong!

   I don't mind going to work. It's that 8 hour wait to go home that sucks!

   LIFE; It's one damned thing after another

   HECK is where you go if you don't believe in GOSH

   BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake account mocking the oil company. Twitter wants BP to shut down the oil leak that's ruining the ocean.

   The one person that BP has not called on to fix the oil leak is MacGyver. he can do it with a stick of gum a Q-tip and some tin foil!!!

   has heard that Toyota's new 2011 Camry will be so advanced it recalls itself.

   Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.