santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Today's date officially marks the twelfth day of Christmas....So, except for the Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids-a-Milking and the Five Golden Rings...it's all going back to Wal Mart. Especially that squawking, annoying, Partridge in a Pear Tree.

   I've been living dangerously for the last couple of weeks. My girlfriend got a new cookbook for Christmas.

   Thought for the day: An HMV gift card is not just for Christmas.... it's for life...

   To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.

   First you have to tell 'em Santa's not real. Then you have to tell 'em Nicki Minaj is real.. ..no wonder the kids are confused.

   Christmas Schmistmas....March features the greatest holiday of the year. Any festivity that centers itself around getting drunk on beer, and stuffed on a big hunk of beef soaked in brine wins my vote.

   Great to be Catholic this month! We welcome a new Pope, plus we get three major religious holidays! Palm Sunday, Easter, and to kick it all off...the most important...St. Patrick's Day.

   Santa works one day a year and spends the other 364 judging people. Where can I apply for this job?

   It's perfectly OK to pretend that you're Irish on St. Patrick's Day. You pretend you're good on Christmas, don't you?

   The stores are packed with folks gearing up for their Easter fashion shows, the same way they do for Christmas. The central figure for both these holidays was reduced to wearing a loin cloth for one, and swaddling for the other.

   "Tyler Perry presents: Tyler Perry in Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry."

   The chupacabra does not deliver presents on Cinco De Mayo

   What do you get a liberal for Christmas? A tent so they can not work like the rest of them.

   People are like snowflakes. I only like them on Christmas.

   I can hardly wait for asparagus season! The red and green colors in the toilet remind me of Christmas ツ

   when I was little, I drugged the milk to catch Santa. Next morning I found my dad passed out on the stairs. Well played Santa..

   My neighbors tree fell during the storm last night. Ufortunately for them they will now need to take off their Christmas lights!

   A Real Man Shows His Love To His Woman Daily. He Needs No Special Occasions, Holidays Or Her Birthday, He Just Spontaneously Does Things

   People still shooting off fireworks better be careful that they don't hit any of the Christmas decorations they never took down.

   I hate Mondays more than a midget hates getting a Yo-Yo for Christmas.