Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My life is based on a true story.

   It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts...

   was told that if I have to ask how much something costs, I probably can't afford it. She was right so I moved along.

   Mr. Felipe Calderon, 73% of Americans have a message for you: ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐: ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

   (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Is Bad For Your Health

   I wonder if I shipped off a couple of Gold Fish to Cash for Gold,, would I get any $$$$?

   As Americans we should fight like hell for the right to draw a picture of Muhammad, but then choose not to.

   If there is a window of opportunity ... why the hell does it knock? Shouldn't it be a door? No wonder so many people miss opportunities. They answer the door, not the window.

   thinkin of sending obama a cabbage patch kid for fathers day not because he plays with dolls tho I thought he could use the birth certificate!

   Sorry, quoting bible scriptures to me isnt going to convince me. I could quote "Stars Wars" or "Twilight" and it would be just as profound.

   Some people use the power of positive thinking..... others you can be positive that they're not thinking

   I'm petitioning Crayola to replace the "burnt orange" crayon with "burnt snooki"

   Stupid bloody garbage trucks waking me up at noon.

   Yes, I admit it. I want to see the Dalai Lama arm wrestle the Pope...

   I know you need a wish right now, wish right now .. but quit postin song lyrics on my wall !

   thinks that I could have a very successful career a male model. Unfortunately, I would have to be the "before" picture. Eh, its a living.

   Toothbrush: "Sometimes I think I have the worst job in the world!" Toilet paper " Yeah,right."

   Today my heart will do all my thinking. It gets free reign to walk barefoot in the grass.

   Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

   You all wouldn't know funny if it came down and slaped you upside ur wall..