santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Excuse me, Santa, but I still haven't received the first "ho" you promised me.

   What happens on Santa's lap.......stays on Santa's lap.

   Unfortunately, there was a lot more camel toe than mistletoe at the office Christmas party last night.

   Last year, I got socks for Christmas. The year before, I got a couple of sacks. And before that, a sax. For pity's sake, Santa, you blind old jerk, it's sex. S-E-X.

   Dear Santa, is it too late to be good?

   I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter... C'MON MOM, KNOCK IT OFF! ツ

   Sorry, parents of ugly children on Facebook, those Christmas sweaters didn't help; just made them uglier in a festive way.

   Dear Santa, I plead the fifth! No wait... I drank it!!

   It's not officially the holiday season until I've ignored a Salvation Army Santa.

   Dear Santa, Do not eat any cookies from Colorado and Washington this year.. May cause drowsiness.

   Times are short and Money is hard... Here's Your Effin Christmas Card!!!

   It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! People are definitely getting in the holiday spirit, CRABBY, GRABBY and RUDE!

   CLAUStrophobia = The Fear of Santa Claus !

   It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas!

   Dear Coworkers, all I want for Christmas is you... to not talk to me before 9am.

   Santa saw your Facebook pictures. …You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas

   Storage Wars is fake? What will you tell me next, that Taco Bell meat isn't real or that Santa isn't real?

   so many kids give carrots to the reindeer on Christmas & as they're flying you never hear of any droppings hitting a car or a roof.....id like to see that insurance claim

   This year I'm giving my girl the best Christmas gift ever. Anybody got any tips on how to wrap your b@lls?

   After putting up xmas lights last night I'm wondering why no one hasn't opened up a business that untangles xmas lights...