Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   hears BP is using a huge upside down funnel in the Gulf of Mexico; suddenly I'm having a deja vu/flashback of the beach I used to visit in the Gulf of Mexico, the funnel, and how I was upside down...

   if you live in America, you have to read and speak English.. otherwise you better just be visiting."

   wouldn't it be great to be born old and grow to be young???

   Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. The Internet in a nutshell.

   Sometimes, people get caught up in their own self pity/misery that they fail to see what they are doing to the people around who love them

   Wats procrastination?. .well I will tell you tomorrow..

   thinks a woman is like a KFC bargain bucket. Once you have finished with the breast and legs, all that is left is a greasy bucket to stick your bone in.

   After undergoing a sex change operation, a judge in Santa Monica granted Chaz Bono's petition to be recognized legally as a man. He celebrated by leaving the toilet seat up.

   PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Don't text and walk at the same time! Trust me, that street lamp... is closer than you think!

   Sorry, I'm into the "inflatable" type.

   the superman of humility

   I was in Walmart the other day and noticed they had some Obama Christmas tree decorations for sale...I guess they figure it's okay to hang a black man from a tree now.......

   Not sure which one of you sent them...but the men in the little white coats left empty handed...again....better luck next time....

   Mother's Day Warning: You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

   I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his c**k wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

   thinks Toyota built the Staten Island Ferry.

   The Old Lie: "The check is in the mail." The New Lie: "I haven't checked my email."

   wants to thank BP for the oil spill in the Gulf.I heard Fish Oil capsules will now come in 3 sizes. 500mg, 1000 mg, and 10-W-30.

   Tase me out to the Ball Game...Tase me out on the field... `cuz its 1 - 2 - 3 seconds `til I am down on the freeeakin` field..

   listening to WPMS. They play three weeks of easy listening and one week of ragtime.