Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A recent 100 million dollar study conducted by Harvard University just discovered that running out of money may be the main cause for Bankruptcy.

   Rihanna wants a rude boy...Didnt she get her a$$ whooped by one already?

   copying your profile picture so I can put it in my wallet and pretend its my girlfriend

   : Dont you just wish you could go back to being a kid and let the adults take care of the problems that they created for themselves?

   wonders if a bunch of Shamwows will help clean up the spill in the Gulf

   not a mover and a shaker but instead I'm a wiggler and jiggler.

   the trouble with life is there is no background music

   I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to

   when you really think about it….life and nature are pretty simple….it's all about finding food, building shelter, and getting some

   It's called cocaine and you dont want no part of this sh!t...It turns all your bad feelings into good feelings. It's a nightmare

   There is always a double standard when strip clubs have 'All You Can Eat' buffets.

   Every time I hear a strange noise at night, I mentally prepare to fight off an intruder. If it's a velociraptor, I'm also totally ready.

   found a new place to live...it includes all utilities, free meals, gym, arts & crafts...and my insurance pays for it all...The Nuthouse :o)

   So I'm giving up drinking..Hard liquor..On Wednesdays..In June..Next year..(Maybe..)

   I'm installing plywood doors in my house so I can karate chop them down like a badass when I enter each room.

   Thanks to the BP oil spill in the Gulf, fish oil capsule supplements will now come in 3 sizes. 500mg, 1000 mg, and 10-W-30.

   Remember when someone is annoying it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap the idiot!!

   Thinks we should get as much Dawn dish liquid as possible and pour into the ocean... Dawn cuts thru oil like nuthin and it's safe for the animals... And then we can hav one hell of a bubble party! It's a win win situation... 

   Anybody have the list of the theme weeks that are on Facebook? I don't want to miss out on "PAROLE OFFICER WEEK" or "PROCTOLOGIST WEEK". Thanks

   We girls need to stop making fan pages about guys and get back in the kitchen!