Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   going to help support the Greek Debt Crisis by eating more Greek Dressing . . . .and Bakliva

   Ever look at someone and think, "Nice cage, no bird"?

   carrying groceries to the house the other night, when Justin Bieber played on my mp3 player. Had to bang my head on the trunk until my earphones fell out.

   the Pill, something that prevents women from becoming mothers turns 50 on Mother's Day. Coincidence??

   Apple Bottom Jeans,Turban With The Fur,Got The Whole Mosque Looking At Her....

   New York Times reports Neanderthals mated with humans thousands of years before "Jersey Shore."

   I'm no a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure "He started it," is a legit defense.

   Just once I'd like to attend a formal state function and hear the butler at the top of the stairs announce Lady and Sir Mixalot.

   I feel so bad for people who have $500,000,000. They can only call themselves millionaires, and yet they're still so far away from being billionaires.

   off to FL for an oil change! What a "crude" joke.

   I saw the Dow plunged yesterday due to the debt in Greece.. So I thought to myself...Maybe the Greeks wouldn't be so broke if they would just stop having those big fat weddings...Just sayin..

   There are female hormones in beer. You gain weight, talk too much and can't drive.

   my girl said she needed some space, so I shipped her off to NASA

   Some people have an inflated view of their importance in my life.

   KFC want you to buy a Bucket of obesity and heart attack inducing food for Breast Cancer? COME ON SON!!

   will never wear a red shirt at target again.

   One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions

   Did I just say that! Or did I think it! Damn they spotted me..

   Was trying to sign up for a website... It ask me what state I lived in... I couldn't find confusion nowhere in the drop box...

   Taking a picture of a flower does not make you a photographer......