Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   C.R.O.W.S = Can't Remember Our Winning Song

   Relationships are like glass...sometimes its better 2 leave them broken rather than hurting yourself trying 2 put them back together!

   wonders if criminals are starting to catch on that there isn't a lot of crime fighting happening during LOST?

   With all the infadelities of David Boreanaz, puts a new menaing to his show "Bones". Just waiting for the porn movie to be made.

   Lord Voldemort is real evil. He turned Cedric Diggory into Edward Cullen.

   Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

   Bacon is best served with a side of bacon

   just got barred from Home Depot, some idiot in an orange apron came up to me and asked me if I wanted decking, lucky I got the first punch in!!!!

   Seis De Mayo, Spanish for, Hungover...

   Sure it's flattering and weird at the same time, but you need to stop thinking of me when you masturbate...

   life is now back on track... unfortunately for me that track is downhill... and there's me with no steering or brakes...

   I think I just gave her a mamogram

   Liquor and Poker... Oh, Wait.. you wanted to drink and play cards... well now. Everybody knows where my mind was at."

   GUMP 2010: Shrimp is the fruit of the Gulf. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabob in oil, shrimp creole in oil, shrimp gumbo in oil, pan fried in oil, deep fried in oil, stir-fried in oil. There's pineapple shrimp in oil, lemon shrimp in oil, thats about it.

   Taser? If that guy had been a Rangers fan the Texas cops would have shot him dead.

   "The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source." -- George Washington

   had it rough growing up. We was so poor, even our rainbows were black and white...

   been used and has a lot of miles, but is in great condition...she's a classic ;)

   if meat is murder, I will have my murder medium rare done please...

   getting a tattoo on my forhead of the word "Idiot", because it seems that everyone that I come across already thinks that I am. So I have decided to just put it out there for them so they don't waste anymore time in trying to figure it out.