Funny Status Messages
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All I want for Christmas is you... Just kidding I want Money 
Dear coffee, I want you inside of me
Don’t flatter yourself. I'm not attracted to you, this vodka I am drinking is.
There was a time when the word "Gay" meant happy and the rainbow was a meteorological phenomenom, now both represents boy who likes another boy.........smh
I cant wait till the "Holiday season" at work is over so I can find a new reason not to do anything around the house
Does anyone have like ten thousand dollars they don't want
How long does it take for Auburn to beat Alabama? 1 second
Daughter: Momma, can a woman get pregnant from an@l s3x? Mother: Sure Honey. Where do you think politicians come from?
Craziest superstition I ever heard - whatever you doing when the New Years come, that's gonna what you do for the rest of the year! So does anyone wanna go drinking with me on New Years?
The Duck Dynasty guys need to to look in their beards, I'm sure there's a few ducks in them...
Oh god please let next year be a better year and let it bring hopefully an end to Obama's drone strikes killing innocent people.
The voices in my head are telling me things even I wouldn't post.
my phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
˝You cant fire Duck Dynasty Guy - he has freedom of speech!˝ are the same noobs who wanted the Guns & Ammo editor fired for his pro-gun control column column
In a speech today President Obama called for a new era of bipartisan cooperation. He said this because Obama likes to start off a speech with a joke.”
Well, I guess the good news is that it's going to be a helluva lot easier to stop watching Duck Dynasty than it was to stop eating at Chick-Fil-A
I think my neighbors are starting to get somewhat jaded.. No one even questioned me making snow angels. Tomorrow I'm doing it in a clown suit while playing the bag pipes.
Wal-Mart, Cabela's & Bass Pro shops are droppiung the Duck Dynasty merchandise, adios hillbillies
Favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell's Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
The Scariest Horror Movies of All Time 1. The Exorcist 2. Psycho 3. The View on ABC 