santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Christmas...-What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of your sock?

   If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas

   you know....it's been almost two months since Christmas.....I should probably stop ceaselessly referring to my p*nis as the "Pole-her Express"....

   Save money! Plastic christmas tree...plastic valentine roses.

   You know, many people have an artificial Christmas tree so they can use it year after year to save money. Why not do the same thing with roses on Valentine's Day. You can leave them up until Easter- maybe hang some Hershey's Kisses on them. Quite festive.

   parents are hypocritical.....your not supposed to take candy or food from strangers but what do they let you do every Halloween? not supposed to talk to strangers but every christmas they sit you on santa's lap so you can talk to him.

   Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.

   The first time a man sees a woman naked is like a child seeing a present on Christmas morning.

   I wonder if Satan ever gets tired of getting Xmas letters from dyslexic kids.

   I put up all the Christmas lights for Easter.......

   3-pack condoms are ideal for married couples: Birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's Day.

   my friend saif "I don't give a sh*t about Christmas, Easter and New Years", but I do give a sh*t...So he is going to be very surprised by the type of Easter Egg I give him tomorrow. It's cheaper than chocolate anyway!

   Aside from Christmas, Easter is the best day to have Alzheimer's! You can hide your own eggs!

   I couldn't believe it when my wife announced she was leaving me for being too lazy. Especially after I'd spent all morning taking the Christmas decorations down.....

   I am Happy my kids are older now. But I do miss running around all night in the Pink Bunny Suit from the Christmas Story on Easter Eve.

   ChrEasters people who only go to church on Christmas & Easter

   One of the best holidays...comes tomorrow when candy is 50% off!

   Todays a perfect day to walk down the street dressed as Santa Clause while holding a bottle of Jack Daniels, sobbing & yelling  "You guys forgot about me!"

   Jingle bells, my foot smells, I pulled it from your ass. Get a beer and bring it here then pour it in a glass. - My Christmas song.

   If you don't enjoy scaring dogs by talking through a cardboard wrapping paper tube, don't bother stopping by my house on Christmas morning.