santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I always thought my dad was great when I was growing up, he always got so pissed off every year when santa didnt bring me presents. I felt so lucky to be his son.

   I want to see if I can make it 2 full days before Santa puts me back on the "bad boys" list again this year, where I belong. So I'm going to wait til tomorrow before I go back to my normal status updates.

   Has the NORAD Santa tracker stopped working? It says he's been at the Cheetahs Club in NYC for the past 48 hours.

   hors d'oevures now there is a word that snooty people like to use regularly, most of us just say "snacks" and we survive the holidays just fine.

   My favourite Christmas gift was a 24-pack of high-quality socks. I have worn them all already and now I'm depressed and in withdrawal.

   TIP! Never wear a Santa hat with a jingle bell at the tip when trying to secretly jerk off in the women's bathroom stalls.

   Some girl just caught me staring at her crotch so I gave her two thumbs up. She only deserved one, but it's the holidays and sh!t.

   Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them.

   listening to Neil Diamond Christmas music...Man when he sings I feel like he is getting ready to really kick someones a$$

   I would like to give a big shout out to all the pissed off kids who only get one set of presents a year because their birthday is too close to Christmas.

   next year I'm wrapping all of our Christmas presents in bubble wrap....it will be like two gifts in one!!!!

   Good girls get presents at Christmas. Bad girls get presents all year long.

   It's so nice having my family around for the holidays. It really makes me appreciate their absence the rest of the year.

   If you got me an Ed Hardy shirt for Christmas, don't worry about a gift receipt...I'll get more X-mas joy out of burning it.

   worried that Santa won't bring any gifts for dirty minded people. I'm screwed. Haha, screwed.

   I had my identity stolen the day after Christmas. It was reurned in yesterday's mail with $20 and a note that read, "Damn dude, no one owants to be you!"

   51 weeks til Christmas....lights are up!

   starting the diet on monday or when walgreens runs out of maked down christmas candy

   has noticed the only one in the family still excited about there christmas presents is the dog

   When FB stalking someone & I find out their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!