life Funny Status Messages

   life is really not that hard; consider the daffodil....While you are doing that, I will steal your wallet.

   I wish comicbook disguises worked in real life. A pair of glasses would open some many possiblities for me.

   I was gonna listen to that last lame song you posted, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.

   When life knocks me down, I call her a b*tch and walk away. She hates it when I call her that

   So you need some excitement in her life? Go buy a pet hippo or badger. Problem solved!

   Charlie Sheen appears to be the real life Glen Quagmire. Giggity!

   S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life

   Some things are meant to be just once in a life time. -Sincerely, One Night Stand

   Confucious say, "Women's panties not best thing in life, but next to best thing in life."

   Life Lesson 585: I should write a book about things not to say: Like, it is very unwise for someone to tell a lady struggling with a diet that they would actually loose 10lbs by shaving their back hair. The doctors tell me I should be able to walk again

   My greatest regret in life is not being a billionaire.

   if people were as nice to each other in real life as they were in Facebook comments, think how different the world would be.

   Things not to say life lesson 586: Asking your wifes attorney " If your here then who's running hell?" Is not so much a good idea

   My wife and I have are talking about renewing our vows. Or as I like to call it, getting a double life sentence.

   Life Lesson number 1, There is a time each month when a man would rather face death in a 20ft snow drift than spend a day with his significant other. Thank god for 4 wheel drive

   Gonna steal one of those "No interest for 12 months" signs from a store...and hang it on my life.

   Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that.

   It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho the rest of your life.

   If people winked in real life as much as they wink in texts, the world would be an extremely creepy place. ;)

   "I looooove him, I caaaaan't live without him, he is my life" No you don't, your 22, and you met him 6 days ago. Take your dramatic a$$ somewhere else.