friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   Look kiddo, you're 7 now. Daddy's Gin & Tonic needs to be mixed a lot better than that. Rules are rules. Standard def TV only this weekend.

   I'm sorry, I'll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I'm a giant.

   Over the weekend in California — a big one, a 6.0 earthquake. It was so powerful that Lindsey Lohan was driving on the right side of the road.

   Maybe I'm just lazy or unimaginative or something, but if I had a time machine I'd probably just go forward to Friday to get this week over with.

   If a co-worker asks how your long weekend was, respond with a clever retort like "not long enough" or "MAAAAAN I MISSED YOUR SMELL"

   SAFETY REMINDER: If you encounter an NFL Running Back this weekend, Keep your distance and do NOT approach them....

   Possible "Breaking Amish" sequels:.. #1:Friday Night Without Lights... #2:That 1870's Show... #3:The Big Barn Theory...#4:Not-Modern Family

   When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”

   It's only October 17th and I'm already sick of seeing anything regarding black friday .. seriously people have you no respect?? its african-american friday, dammit!

   Ferguson is going to kick off their black Friday shopping events with the Darren Wilson verdict.

   Am I the only one hoping that grand jury decision in Ferguson Missouri lines up with my black Friday shopping plans?

   Black Friday is the American version of running with the bulls

   I guess Black Friday started early in Ferguson

   Fergison Mo. BLACK FRIDAY GHETTO STYLE!!!!

   Why wait for Black Friday, when you can shop brown Monday right

   Thinking of Black Friday shopping in Ferguson this year. Heard you can grab some really good deals.

   Black Friday: Because it's supposed to look like a riot

   There's a Black Friday sale at my house, pants are 100% off

   BLACK FRIDAY, when people trample others for cheap goods mere hours after being thankful for what they already have

   Black Friday shopping is unnecessary when you already did your shopping on looters Tuesday.