Funny Status Messages

   I think KFC should expand their menu to include a 30 piece bucket of original recipe/ extra crispy skin.

   I'll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers

   Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".

   You claim to have started from the bottom. But you forget to mention you still down there.

   The amount of time you've spent nagging, you could have blown me AND done the dishes, stupid.

   When the interviewer asks "Why do you want to work here?" don't answer "you'll find out!" and laugh maniacally

   I'm not a "tree hugger", but I'd like for my grandkids to have "oxygen".

   If you’re gonna use the word ‘horny’, you’d better be attractive. Otherwise, cut that s hit out.

   In-laws are watching the kids tonight. Can't wait to put a load in the dishwasher.

   It's entirely conceivable that the ass I just saw plays a key role in the machinations of the rocking world...

   I lost respect for my wife when she accused me of lying that time I caught syphilis from a pay phone.

   when a girl posts a bunch of quotes about how strong women are, avoid that s hit like the herp!!!

   Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make the introductions.

   You have to kill some brain cells if you want new ones to grow. It's called cognitive pruning.

   if you meet a single hot girl, turn and run like your balls are on fire!!

   Do not put a party hat on a cat. They are seldom in a party mood.

   There’s plenty of fish in the sea.. I just suck at fishing.

   Some things are better left unfed or ignored.

   Well,, If you're gonna be "Polically Correct" about the Pledge of Alliegance... You might as well be 'Geo-Politically correct" and change the Pledge to " One Nation,, under Canada"

   only Washington can call a decrease in the increase a budget cut...