Funny Status Messages

   After handing cashiers money, I like to caress their hand just to let them know all sales don't have to be final.

   again......Show me on the doll where gas prices touched you.

   congratulations danica patrick and jeff gordon... daytona 500's first all female front row...

   I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I'm feeling pretty awesome!!

   What if Earth is just the insane asylum for the universe?

   If you need space - join 'NASA' Baby! XD

   Parker Brothers has replaced the Iron game piece in Monopoly with a cat. In response, Mattel has replaced the word "Yes" in the Magic 8 Ball with "Fo Shizzle!"

   I will fight tooth and nail to get every hair off the bar of soap before it touchs my body

   Tried the Harlem Shuffle, Gangnam style... I may have snapped a hip.

   Sometimes in life all you need is a Wi-Fi, an iMac and a cup of coffee.

   Take that ZULU nonsense and shove it up your ass!

   Ice cream just seems to taste better with tears.

   Nobody gets out of the car until Phil Collins is done singing. It's the law, kids.

   It. There, I said it.

   I really hope Chris Brown dates Justin Bieber

   I'm not a "stalker". I want to make sure you're okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.

   I’ll bet you all the money in my savings account that I’m broke.

   While others prefer to pop wine bottles and champagne, I just prefer to pop corn.

   In Hell, someone is constantly vacuuming while you're trying to explain directions to an old man.

   If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.