Funny Status Messages

   I'm 7 1/2 hours into my 8hour workday, from here on out my payroll is for me and my family. You're welcome America!

   After spending over millions of dollar on the Election Campaing, I heard Romney is broke now..... He can clean up my neighbors yards with all them Rep. signs, i'll pay him in food stamps.

   Everyday I thank the Lord Bear Grylls doesn't have his own cooking show

   If Evolution were REALLY a real thing,,,,, A LONG time ago, Men would have developed a defence to the ole "kick in the nuts"

   I came a long way in therapy with my weird obsession of using shapes and numbers, but yesterday I slipped up and now I'm back to square one.

   Breaking news: Colorado will soon be re-named Little Amsterdam and will host Cheech and Chong Headquarters. Also there will be a state Bong: Chong's Bongs! that is all!

   What? As of 22:00 GMT, Obama got 60,432,775 votes. Romney got 57,631,452 votes.

   I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them

   Figured I could get both of today's major statuses out of the way today with one word: Snowbama!

   I'm making a list of people I like. The ones who say "autumn" instead of "fall" are the first ones I'm crossing off

   I wish I could move out of country now, however immigrant laws of other countries prevent me from doing that... I hear the U.S is pretty lenient on immigrants, I might try there.... Doooope

   In honor of the his re-election pants are at half ass across the country.

   Stock tip: Buy Frito-Lay, Little Debbie and any other snack food stock... The people in Colorado and Washington State are going to be getting the munchies.

   No thats not SWAG, thats just an idiot who doesn't know what a belt is.

   remember kids to always try 100%...not just 53%...u still need that other 47% to get things done

   I don't know why hospitals need to advertise. It's not like I'm going to go to Home Depot instead...

   ■Sometimes I put my hands on the floor, tuck my head into my chest and lean forward, cause that's how I roll.

   Once you realize that someone is rubbing you the wrong way and you are convinced that there will never be a happy ending, you are undoubtedly in a bad relationship or,,,, you are being massaged by a witch.

   Your dirtier than my browsers history!

   Just made a dentist appt to have my eyes checked. I can't hear a thing.