Funny Status Messages

   The best curve on a girl is her smile. Lol just kidding, look at dat ass.

   Kanye West would be proud of the amount of times the two candidates interrupted each other tonight.

   Sarcasm is humor with an attitude.

   Excuse me for the lack of updates lately. I'm really busy growing a mustache.

   Obama has 99 problems but Mitt ain't one.

   After a one night stand I scream stranger danger repeatedly until they leave.

   The trickiest tongue twister in the English is apparently '"Sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick''. Give it a try and see for yourself

   When a grammar Nazi gets sad and lonely, give them a hug and say, "There, their, they're."

   I would never make fun of a fat person at the gym. At least they are trying to do something about it and deserve cheers not jeers.

   I think it's safe to assume that 1991 Ice Cube would kill 2012 Ice Cube

   I'm glad that "worchestershire" isn't a word we have to use everyday! I would appear retarded.

   I wished I was in a gang so I'd know what to do with my hand in pictures

   I think Jerry Springer should moderate the next debate.

   canceling my subscription!! I'm tired of your issues.

   I entered the word bit*h into my GPS and guess what, I'm in your driveway!!

   Pulled into the grocery store parking lot, went down one isle and was coming up the other when I saw an open spot one space from the end nearest the door and thought, "what a break"......God I hate Smartcars.

   My favorite mythical creature is the Honest Politician

   I don't have any old girlfriends. They're all so young.

   The only pain that brings my soul to its knees is hers.

   The best part about pooping with the door open in the morning is being able to see everyone's face at Starbucks.