Funny Status Messages

   My ex sent me a picture to remind of what I'm giving up. I sent her a picture of my new girl so she knows I don't give a crap...

   had to take my cat to the vet. She's not feline well…

   The more broken you are, the stronger you'll be once you're fixed.

   At least broken people are interesting. You can't fix boring...

   I spent $100 at the grocery store and there still isn't anything to eat in my house

   "WARNING"..This Status may be copied for quality and training purposes

   "My Uncle Jennifer is going to be on Jerry Springer tomorrow!"

   I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.

   i think my teachers were lies ....they said "A for Apple".....the iphone just keeps repeating itself

   Dear kids TV networks: if you want more kids to watch, just show the inside of a pantry or fridge…

   Opposites attract, that's the trouble with being awesome

   The new iPhone 5 will totally revolutionize the way I send all of your calls straight to voicemail.

   My past is my past, it made me who I am, I have no regrets, wouldn't change a thing. I just don't live there anymore.

   Over time you start noticing that some people just aren't worth it anymore.

   If I text you all like.. "heyy :)" and you reply with "hi", I'm done taking to you..

   How to kill a Spider: Get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down.

   It's not good music unless your parents AND your kids hate it

   I think we should replace the Marriage vow "`Til death do we part" with "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

   Ask your wife if she's done talking,,,, and you've just GUARANTEED she's not..... Ask me how I know,,,,

   The company that made the Tupac hologram is filing for bankruptcy. The announcement was made by a company spokesperson — Elvis Presley.