Funny Status Messages

   Shot some fish in a barrel today. More difficult than you'd think.

   Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it

   Even as we speak, the Fine Young Cannibals try to find a way to revive their careers in light of recent news stories on cannibalism.

   Watch out. It's Monday. You'll probably step in some gum.

   If I ever become a teacher.. I'm stapling McDonalds application.. To every failed test..

   My first thoughts after hearing that Richard Dawson died were ... again?

   I don't care if Noones likes me I'm still going to post while drunk :)

   Here's an Idea. Instead of putting your hands on your hips to make you look thiner. Why don't you just lose weight?? Just Sayin.

   “Can someone send me airtime?”, “Can someone buy me this nice pair of shoes I saw at the mall?”, “Can someone buy me a ticket to the Trey Songz concert?”, “Can someone bring me lunch to my workplace?” - a s1ut's facebook st@tus upd@tes.

   just a thought...if you are a wanted criminal and your picture is all over the internet......an internet cafe is probably not the best place to hang out in.....

   Hey I just met you. and this is crazy. But theirs the Kitchen. A sandwich maybe?

   Does anybody no CPR in Miami? Lebron James is doing the International choking sign again.....

   If you tell a lie and myth so many times, people will eventually believe it so much that they will actually fight to preserve it. Government and Religious institutions are incredibly crafty at this.

   Sexual frustration should recharge phone batteries...

   Want to know who your friends are?...Tell everybody the truth and see who still hangs arounds you afterwards.

   on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades

   Ladies, if you are wearing an excessively short skirt this summer, please do everybody a favor and shave. And I am not talking about legs.

   Facebook needs a “Drama of the day” section in my news feed.

   I'm not a player, I just tuck a lot. ~Transvestites

   Politicians are like prostitutes; they get paid to pretend they like people while they are screwing them.