Funny Status Messages
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My wife's leaving me because of my obsession with Africa. Kenya believe that? Ghana be a messy divorce. 
Ever since I heard Drakes real name ie Aubrey I cant take him serious whem he says "ill catch a body"
Anaconda Malt Liquor the only malt liquor approved by the american government and when you pop the top the panties drop
When is it a good time to mention the Easter holiday tradition of eggs and bunny rabbits are pagan fertility symbols and the words Easter, Easter Bunny, or Easter Egg appear nowhere in the Bible? Not this weekend then?.....
people say "when pigs fly" but dont police have police helicopters...pigs are already flying
Pouring out a jar of marshmallow fluff. For my Peeps.
I bet most of you are the kind of a$$holze that would bet one dollar more than me on The Price is Right.
Why does the Easter Bunny hide it's eggs?...Cuz it doesn't want anyone to know it's having sex with a chicken.
Setting up eggs on the fence and letting the kids shoot at 'em with paintball guns. That's how we do it in the country!
boobs are proof that guys can pay attention to two things at once
I just got a letter from my boomerang.... It said when I get a decent job and quit the drinking,,,,,,,,,,,,,( well, you know )
The 2012 Alzheimer's Easter Egg Hunt has been cancelled....... The 2011 hunt is still going on....
x² + why +8 [(x + 2y ² = a-z] + 2x ³ + (- 2z = 2. 4) + 10y - 5Z ³= k= 9 TRUST ME, You need this in life.
Just sold my hair to a wig shop
Sometimes you just have to be straight up with people or they will expect you to bend over backwards.
It's completely impossible to sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" without looking like a retard...
I don't think I could ever stab someone, I mean lets be honest I can barely get the straw in a Capri Sun
Nothing ushers in the Spring planting season like the fresh smell cow crap emanating from the neighborhood....
my mom used to say "i dont want to hear a peep"...i just listened & that candy is very quiet
Aside from Christmas, Easter is the best day to have Alzheimer's! You can hide your own eggs! 