santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I just finished putting up my Christmas lights...well actually all I had to do was turn them back on again, since they've been up all year anyway.

   Halloween = candy. Thanksgiving = food. Christmas = gifts. New years = drinks. Valentines day = sex. Birthday = all of the above.

   The best thing about having a head shrinker for a friend is knowing that I'll be getting a little head for Christmas.

   Santa is the original Voyager!

   No Cyndi Lauper...you're so very wrong. Girls don't just wanna have fun...they want a whole lotta sh!t. Christmas blows. Sincerely - A broke boyfriend.

   Unlike Rudolph, I don't have to visit the Island of Misfit Toys this Christmas. I work there.

   Occupy North Pole, because Santa loves the rich kids more.........

   I actually did see mommy kissing Santa Claus. At the mall. I was 8. My dad was pissed.

   I bought my girlfriend a 10lb bag of future diamonds for Christmas...Thank you Kingsford!

   I just saved a bunch of money on Christmas by switching to single

   Dear Santa I've been good all year! Ok most of the time. I Mean once in a while. Oh...F*ck it, I'll buy my own sh#t.......

   Scientific fact: You do in fact have a wonderful Christmas time when you don't hear that awful Paul McCartney song.

   Omg.. Why does Lady Gaga look like a skeleton.. Jesus! Its almost Christmas! B!tch is bout 2 months behind!

   Santa knocked on my door yelling "Ho, Ho, Ho!" and I told him that your girlfriend doesn't live here.

   We must love and respect one another. Except people who decorate Christmas trees with blue lights. They should be waterboarded.

   According to a recent survey just released this week, one-third of all mall Santa Claus' have had a child urinate in their lap. Even worse, the other two-thirds have urinated in their own laps.

   We installed a Cain Train around the base of our Christmas tree, but it keeps stopping to hit on the Sugar Plum Fairy ornament.

   hacking Santa's NAUGHTYand NICE list!!!!! x-mas is going to be the bomb!!

   Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?

   tryen to get in the Christmas spirit, but I can't get the damn jar to open!