santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I am probably going to start my Christmas shopping this weekend. I am not sure which place is better, the Dollar Store, or the 99 Cent store.

   If a telemarketer calls give the phone to your 3 yr old, and tell them its Santa Clause

   My girlfriend wants something for Christmas that goes 0-200 in 3 seconds...So I think I will get her a scale.

   I remmeber last year at christmas my ex girlfriend was so pissed that I gave her mother a mustache trimmer.

   I love to use the holidays as an excuse to gift, re-gift and de-gift meaningless merchandise.....I wonder if that would qualify me as an "Indian Gifter"? ツ

   That uneasy moment when Edward Cullen and Santa Clause run into each other because they're both watching you sleep.

   Dear Santa, This year please bring me a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix them up as you have in previous years. Thanks!

   The radio shouldve started playing thanksgiving music instead of christmas music but the only song I can think of is Adam Sandlers Thanksgiving Song.

   There are four stages of life; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

   If you were to combine all the holidays, you'd eat turkey, give presents, hide eggs, light fireworks, and dress like a sIutty nurse all in the same day.

   Please tell me there is not a game of naming one thing you want from now til Christmas

   Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.

   The best thing about partaking in the secret santa at work means I can finally give one special lady the mustache trimmer she so desperately needs.

   People who buy real Christmas Trees the day after Thanksgiving need some serious help...And if you have your tree up already...You should probably seek medical attention..

   Dear Santa, I've been really good today, so lets focus on that!

   He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good… Sounds like Santa's got a Facebook.

   Dear Santa, I've been a naughty girl all year long, and it was worth it you judgemental fat ba$tard!

   NBA's first games start Christmas day....Worst Christmas present EVER!!

   Ok, so Christmas has just started. I guess it's time to start buying Easter decorations!

   Just a Christmas reminder. Buy your kids a big pack of batteries and attach a card that says "Toys not Included".