Funny Status Messages
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I hope the new Superman movie is just two hours of Clark Kent frantically searching for a phone booth. 
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Whitney Houston died just hours after being asked be a judge on the next season of the X Factor. Personally I think she made the right decision.
Valentine Eve: worst time of the year.....constantly remind how single you are or stuck with this looser cupid picked out for you.
"So whose the Doctor who overdose Whitney Houston and how many years he getting?", says Dr Conrad.......
You would think part of Frank Farmer's job would also be protecting her from herself.
shocked that thousands of military personnel have lost their lives and no one says a thing. a drugged out celebrity dies and... well, you know. now THAT'S FUNNY!!!
what is six inches long and won't be getting sucked on valentines day? Whitney Houston's crack pipe...
Elton John had a lovely speech for Witney before his concert in vegas tonight,,then he preceded to sing don't let my son go down on me..
You remind me of my pinkie toe because I know I'm eventually going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my place.
Forget Valentine's Day, National Pancake day is the 16th!
I wanted to send you something Romantic for Valentines, but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox.
facebook needs to add "still bangin my ex" as a relationship status option
If at first you don't succeed, do it the way I told you!
Now Taking Applications For A VALENTINE. APPLY BELOW
An optimist is the dude who yells out "Wet t-shirt contest!" during the sinking of the Titanic.
come up with a new drink: Nyquil on the rocks. It's for when you feel sick but still want to be social.
Going through my friends list and deleting every 5th person because statistically speaking, they have an STD.
if this toaster thinks setting 3 is "burn to a crisp and light on fire", I don't even want to know what setting 6 does.
How much face would a facebook book if a facebook could book face? 