Funny Status Messages

   Steven Tyler singing the national anthem proves he needs a band behind him....he cannot sing.

   Declining a Facebook friend request is one of the finer moments in life.

   My girlfriend said I should get the same hairstyle as Justin Bieber. So I shaved off my pubic hair.

   Some people's morning breath is an effective form of birth control.

   My iPhone just auto-corrected "I will be home shortly" to "I wish I was single"

   I bought a used sex doll. I like a woman with experience.

   I wish I had a "friend with benefits." By benefits I mean they would own an ice cream store, and the benefits would be free ice cream.

   Biggest lie- I'm not drinking no more after tonight

   Country music backwards . He gets his truck , his house and his dog back .

   A lot can happen in 2mins during football.. Like 47 useless commericals..For instance..

   "The cancer was initially treatable but the x-ray tech who saw it didn't bother to report it to the proper authorities.

   pickles, pickles, pickles, pickles, pickles, pickles... BURGER!!!

   Admit it, When your were little and you swallowed a fruit seed you were scared to death a tree was going to grow in your tummy.

   Kristen Chenoweth, an actress........way better than Steven Tyler, a "singer".

   Captain Crunch of the Italian cruise liner just invited Billy Cundiff to his Super Bowl party!

   Am I the only one that when somebody says "10 years ago", thinks about 90's instead of 2002?

   FACT: it panics the nurses when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor.

   Congrats to all the Third world children who will be getting their 2012 Ravens Super Bowl ,and AFC championship sweatshirts and hats next week.

   My elderly neighbor wanted to know what my email number was.

   They told God that Joe Paterno was waiting at the Pearly Gates. And then God passed that information along to the proper authorities.