Funny Status Messages
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I have a theory that the world will end in 5105, and we've been reading the Mayan calendar upside down 
why is it when you go to a restaurant their radio is never playing the song "ding, fries are done" from family guy?...seems like a catchy tune for a restaurant
The future was so much cooler in the past.
I know New Year's Eve is long past, but I still like to kiss strangers at the stroke of midnight each night. The key is to not wake them.
the last time a tiger got a beating like that, was by a little blonde with a golf club!!! Roll Tide!!
I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house.
Just told a cardboard box to "p!ss up a rope," so that's where I'm at as a person today.
Common sense is so rare, it should almost be classified as a superpower!
- since it is the thought that counts...I'll just keep sitting here THINKING about being productive this evening
Looking for a dog house !! Must be at least 6' 2" long : (
found out yesterday that Wii Bowling skills don't translate well into real life. Hopefully boxing will go better tonight.
Dear Jennifer Hudson, I get it. You did it. Now shut up!
Watch the movie ZEITGEIST if you want to know the truth about....everything. The ugly, brutal truth "they" don't want you to know.
When are we going to tell Puerto Rico it was adopted?
Dear heart, next time ... Damn THINK!
if I get sexted by somebody I don't want to sext, does that mean I got molexted?
Really? Wow! (The only two things I ever say to kids)
"Drunk Posting" is worse than "Drunk Texting", because instead of one person thinking you're an idiot, EVERYONE does!
I hate when a texting convo goes like this You: heyy. Them: hey! You: watzup? Them: nothin wbu? You: same. Them: cool. You: yea Them: haha. You: lol. Them: yep.
when you see a sign at a restaurant that says 'employees must wash BOTH hands', I think that's when you have to worry... 