Funny Status Messages

   Dont be suprised if a big fat man comes down your chimney and puts you in a black sack.. I told him I want you for Christmas.

   Last Christmas I gave you my heart. But the very next day you gave it away. This year I'll give it to someone speci....wait a minute! You re-gifted my heart!?!

   Googled ,what women hate about men and a picture of me appeared ..!!!

   If sex were a pancake, it would be a very good pancake.

   I wish R.I.P Meant - "Return If Possible"

   Just bought forty copies of Justin Bieber's latest CD as Christmas presents for all those who really pissed me off throughout 2011.

   Yeah, I can see where decorating your office for Christmas takes priority over you actually doing the job you're getting paid for. While you're at it you might as well decorate the bathroom too, someone might actually give a sh*t in there

   Wow! that was close! I almost gave a F*ck!

   In school, the only thing group projects ever taught me was that I hate other people.

   I don't have mistletoe this year, so we'll just have to kiss under the influence :P!!

   There are just some people who shouldn't exist and if they are going to be allowed to exist then they should be Taxed extra for all the precious air they use!

   1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 804 islands, 7 seas, 7 billion people, and you're still single? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGAHA, me too.!!!!!!!!!

   Let's all go caroling at a Jehovah's witness house...

   I like vending machines because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.

   I still don't understand why these Christmas Carolers get spooked so easily....They act like they've never had a potato gun fired at them before! ツ

   so....I almost got beat up in jail last night !....my family takes Monopoly very seriously....

   "dude, he just called you a girl" "oh hell no! hold my purse."

   I'm watching Scarface because I'm gangsta. On VHS because I'm old school. At Wal-Mart because I'm homeless.

   I name my pen!s "Attention" because we all know how much women love attention

   Only 12 % of the earths population can solve this in 30 seconds. Say the 0pposite of these words: 1) always 2) coming 3) from 4) take 5) me 6) down