Funny Status Messages

   Just wanna do something crazy right now, like run naked through the sprinklers, or vote for Obama!

   Today is the worst day ever! (wait for the "what's wrong?" reply. Then post "Today, I finished off the Thanksgiving leftovers".

   Anybody else go around clicking LIKE on all the hot chicks posts, no matter what stupid sh*t it is?

   From this point on I propose that Herman Cain be known as Big Daddy Cain, and that he defend himself by saying 'It's a Big Daddy Thing.'

   I've learnt one very interesting thing about money... it doesn't buy class no matter how many millions of it you have got.

   Can't contemplate how a person could be negative on something that doesn't pertain to their specific region. Like it or leave it alone. Your ignorance doesn't make it less funny.

   People disregard you when they don't want you, but they are quick to acknowledge you when they need your help.

   With American Airlines stock at 20 cents, I can't decide between paying for two checked bags or buying half the company.

   I wish there was a way to convert my skill at playing drums on the steering wheel into friends or happiness.

   One who can promise nothing is Worthless. One who can promise everything is full of sh!t.

   Herman Cain has 99 problems and apparently a b!tch is all of them.

   Think before you speak, and do not speak all that you think.

   A wise person knows when to play the fool. Like when women flirt or cry to get out of speeding tickets.

   Some people act like they love me and I act like I love them too.

   the girl from Subway was saying she can't wait to go home and smoke a blunt! Nice customer service girls.

   Only in America can you prescribe drugs to a paedophile and get 4 years in jail, but Kill your own kid and get off scott free.

   Do personal massagers that don't work end up on the Island of Misfit Sex Toys?

   Be on the lookout for the latest wave of terrorists to enter the USA: M'Balz Es-Hari.....Graabir Boubi....Hous Bin Pharteen...and the most dangerous of the four, I-Zheet M'Draurz.

   Charlie Sheen is visiting Colombia and for the first time ever the country is in fear of running out of cocaine!!

   ever take a dump so big your pants fit better when you were done!