Funny Status Messages

   In the 90's we had Clinton in office. We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have Obama in office and we have no hope and no cash.

   learned a lot about relationships from Super Mario Bros..sometimes, You have to pound a few Dragons to get to the Princess

   The 1st testicular guard was used in Cricket in 1874 & the 1st helmet was used in 1974. It took 100y to realize the brain is also important

   Pharmacist to Customer: To buy anti-depression pills, Sir you need a proper prescription.. Simply showing a pic of your wife is not enough.

   The PopeMobile: Because Nothing says "I have faith in God" like 4 inches of bulletproof glass.

   just saw an indian asleep on the train and noticed his red dot on his forehead and just thought to myself 'is he on standby?'

   out making changes in his life... leave a message and I'll get back to you. if I dont get back to you - your one of the changes

   Why does it take less than a minute to pay online and more than 10 days for the refund ??

   Dear lady in front of me , It is a speed bump , not a freaking land mine

   What do you do if you see your crazy Ex, running around in your front yard covered in blood & screaming for help? Stay calm,reload your pistol & aim better!!

   If you really want something, you will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse.

   If people had to spell something correctly before being allowed to criticize it, Facebook would be much more peaceful.

   They call mens shaving cream "Beard buster" so why dont they call womens shaving cream "Bush buster"?

   I'm going to be the first person to walk on the sun...I know what ur thinking an I've got it all figured out...I'm going at nite

   Remember that whole "Look both ways before crossing the street" thing? Well that also applies to picking your nose at a stop light. I just got totally busted when I looked at the guy on my right, pointing at me and laughing...

   Every man should have a wife - preferably his own!

   People who still call radio stations to request songs are the same people who still updates their MySpace profiles

   CNN just posed the question: "Who should get the Bin Laden bounty?" I don't want the dude's paper towels!

   the way to tell a woman is single and or not even dating...is how hairy their legs are

   ...and then the doctor slapped my little bottom and handed me to her. - How I Met My Mother