Funny Status Messages

   Uncle Luke is running for Mayor of Miami... (no punch line..its funny enough!)

   Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? A snIckers bar has nuts.

   Stupid people exist just to make you feel better about yourself.

   Thank heaven 4-7-11

   I used to have an open mind but my brain kept falling out....

   Feeling like a slurpee? Go 4-7-11

   I just witnessed a beer tub get carried away on a stretcher...

   So April 7th is National Beer Day... I want to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.

   So April 7th is National Beer Day... I feel like I need to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.

   I feel like a ninja when I wish people happy birthday on Facebook at 12:01am

   You see that box with the fb pictures by the top right corner? The day I see any of my friends pictures in it, I'm screwed.

   what? I never said I didnt like you. I said "leave me alone, you make me wanna throw up"

   It's a real shame that Justin Bieber never got to attend a sleepover at Michael Jackson's house

   Quote of the night. "Sex dolls are not meant for speed."

   STOP whatever your doing, DROP the weed in the paper, ROLL a fatty

   *Yawn* oh no… keep talking… I always YAWN when I'm interested….:)

   I discovered today that when a police officer says, "Ma'am, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?", you should never respond with "Officer, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?".

   If this had been a status update, the Attention Signal you just read would have been followed by official status, news or general BS. This concludes this test of the Emergency I Don't have a Status Update.

   All of us get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars...

   A woman in your arms, is worth two on the Net.