life Funny Status Messages
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I feel like everything in my life has led me to you. My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything. And when we’re together, my past seems worth it. Because if I had done one thing differently, I might have never met you. 
Not now life... come back when I'm drunk.
Life Tip: Always read medication instructions in a mocking voice
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
When life hands you pig hooves and horse gums, make hot dogs.
If you feel like you've done nothing in life remember that some trees take 20 years to grow only to become notebooks with Justin Bieber on them.
Odd how all the 'intelligent life finding instruments' are pointed away from earth.
At what point does the amount of abnormal in your life become so great that abnormal is your new normal?
If by "brighten your life" you mean I set you on fire than yes I here to brighten your life!
Nothing worse than meeting the right person at the wrong time in your life.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, 'Do you want to save the changes?'
LIFE HACK: Living out of your car isn't so bad if you keep telling yourself you're "on tour"
Don't fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
This post is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
.... There are only two things that are certain in life .... and I took care of one of them today .... let's hope the other one holds off for a while ....
.... There are two things in life that are certain ... and I took care of one of them today .... I'm really hoping the other one will hold off for quite a while!!!
Sorry I ruined your life. I thought you were flirting with me.
Sometimes it feels like my only goal in life is just to wake up once a day.
Millions of men have fought and died just so you have the right to go on a website and whine about your ever so slightly imperfect life [Search Results] [View All Messages]
