Funny Status Messages

   Happy St Patrick's Day, the day when everybody gets together and pretends they're Irish. Except the Irish -- they pretend they're sober.

   Here's something that could revolutionize St. Patrick's Day -- green Pepto-Bismol.

   thinks God invented whiskey so the Irish would never rule the world!

   Without Facebook, I probably wouldn't have wished you a happy birthday. ツ

   You don't have to like me. I'm not a facebook status.

   Happy Leprechaun Appreciation Day!

   The difference between St. Patrick's Day and Black History Month, is that on St. Patrick's Day....people want to pretend they are Irish....

   McDonalds is growing up! They dumped Ronald and I hear they are planning to add an adult toy to their value meals.

   Thx Burger King breakfast for letting me experience Prison Food!

   just recieved a letter in the mail from Jerry Springer asking me to be a guest on his show.... This cant be good

   I can't tell if its the acid I dropped or the green beer I've been drinking since 12:30 a.m., but there are Leprechauns everywhere!! HAPPY PAT'S DAY LASSIES!!!

   Drinking green beer makes you no more Irish, than drinking tiger's blood makes you a blubbering, coked-out douchebag….oh….wait….

   If you're not wearing green right now, shuffle your feet on the carpet and touch the screen to receive your "virtual pinch".

   My theory on Marriage, Why pay for internet when WiFi is free.

   Helpful advice for people: Don't be a douche.

   Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see, "May cause extreme sexiness."

   99% of relationships involve tolerating how weird the other person is.

   Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had.

   Once a pun a time, I used to be terrific at wordplay.

   Would it be inappropriate to go to the bars tonight wearing only a Green Lantern costume, with a 4 leaf clover on my finger as my ring and carry a Heineken mini-keg as my lantern?