Funny Status Messages

   I got Adonis DNA.....Just check my bed sheets! WINNING!

   Ever notice that "What the Hell" is always the right decision?

   Daylight savings is the lamest form of time travel.

   Dang, these gas prices are higher than Charlie Sheen.

   Man with the Oil Spills and now the Nuclear Meltdowns we are gonna blow up this planet one day...I'm thinking bout packin my sh^t and moving to another planet..Which planet did the 3 boobs lady live on in the movie "Total Recall"??

   When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.

   Some lady, said I was like a cuddly big bear.... Funny, I was just thinking about scrimmaging through some trash cans and mauling some hikers. -_-

   like a good neighbor state farm is there....with the winning lotto numbers

   Japan`s earthquake shifted the earths axis by 10cm. It`s not much but we are well on our way to our toilets flushing counter-clockwise!

   if you dont know what something is, dont ask on a facebook comment to let everyone know how stupid you are. if ur an idiot, the google search is ur friend

   Apparently....Charlie Sheen is now suing the tsunami that hit Japan for replacing him as the biggest disaster on TV.

   I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

   texting people and asking for their phone number.

   Charlie Sheen is releasing his own cologne called Winning. I hear it smells like cocaine, rum, and hookers.

   Dear Mapquest: Why not start with driving direction #5; I am pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood...

   Who wants to bet me I don't have a gambling problem?

   ATTENTION STRIPPERS: Now that the US will be distributing coin dollars instead of bills, you might want to invest in a fanny pack, goggles, and a helmet. BOW CHIKA WOW WOW.

   I dont have a gambling problem!! How much you wanna bet?

   Who wants to bet I don't have a gambling problem?

   I been seeinq the same posts for the past weeks. yall needa to stop slackin, I need more qudd statuses (: