Funny Status Messages

   USA lost many lives on 9-11-01 and Japan lost many lives on 3-10-11. Add the dates together and you get 12-21-12.

   Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

   I may not have the gift to grant your wishes, but until then, I'll make your dreams come true.

   doesn't know what the problem is... I keep drinking 6-packs but my abs never look any better.

   Actually Japan lost lots of lives on 3-11-11. Remember they are a day ahead of us. So no it's not an coincidence. Your not scaring anyone. Go to bed and stop tripping out ;-)

   watching Jersey shore can cause herpes of the eyes.

   Time for some night time sniffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head fever I can't feel my lips I think I just peed the bed medicine.

   If I talk really loud like that I could make you look like a bad guy too

   Nothing says "mentally I'll and loving it" like stuffed animals in your car window.

   I feel like Charlie Sheen...I'm doing lines of code off the <table>

   If time is money, then I'm running out of time very quickly

   After everything I've been through.... This can't possibly be "as real as it gets"!

   it's so obvious that Jersey Shore is fake cause we all know 20 something year old Italian boys are still at home sucking off mommy & daddy.

   I'm the type of boy who can set the kitchen on fire by just getting a bowl of cereal.

   wondering if whales believe in karma

   Dear current rock music, put up or Shut Up. love, Classic Rock

   Instead of turning my clock ahead an hour tonight... I'm gonna turn my clock ahead about 6 hours. I will wake up feeling refreshed thinking I slept in late but still will have a full day ahead of me... WINNING!!!!

   Dear guy who invented taking pictures of yourself in a mirror with a cell phone: Do you see what you've done? I hope you're happy.

   I need an app on my phone to connect to the morons Bluetooth driving next to me so I can fart in his ear.

   I tell people to have a great weekend at noon on Mondays hoping they won't talk to me for the rest of the week.