Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Saw a homeless woman with a sign that said, "Mother of two. Please help." So I gave her some condoms.

   I'm pretty sure Whoopi Goldberg is Lil Wayne's real mother or long lost sister.

   The worst sight in the world is...SEEING YOUR MOTHER CRY.

   Why does the weather man try and educate me on mother nature? Bro, just tell me pants or shorts tomorrow... hoodie or jacket...

   My family's in the Iron and Steel buisness. My mother irons and my father steals.

   The worst thing that can ever happen to a hangover is a call from your mother.

   Growing up, my mother always used to say in a angry voice : jorje finish up your coffee....there are people in Africa sleeping.... jj

   I'm thinking about calling child protective services on Mother Nature.

   I'm gonna be your murder consultant. Motherfucker Jones. How'd you get the nickname Motherfucker? When I was a kid I snuck into my mother's bedroom. I've heard enough. I snuck up behind her and then slipped my fingersinto her purse. Purse, he said purse.

   Next time the bully asks you for your lunch money, tell him you left it on his mother's dresser.

   ‎2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f**k up!!!!

   Wow...Im sittin at work watchin the snow fall... Its friggin October! Mother Nature must of finally hit menopause.. That fridgid b!tch made it snow!! Bring fall back!!!

   If a lawyer and your mother-in-law were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go watch TV or just have a drink?

   Cop to a hooker: What would your mother do if she seen you out here doing this? Hooker: She'd kill me, this is her corner.

   My mother texted me "What does IDK, LY,& TTYL means? I answered: I don't know, love u, talk to you later. Mother: Ok I'll ask your sister

   just came back from a pleasure trip....itook my mother in-law to the airport!

   Necessity is the mother of invention. The Kama Sutra was created because no one should have to "reach enlightenment" in missionary position.

   Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared.

   Don't confuse fame with success. Kim Kardashian is one; Mother Teresa is the other.

   Just remember nobody's perfect...Cuz i'm sure even Mother Teresa blamed her fart on a kid or two...