Funny Status Messages

   We were sooooooo poor... we would eat beans for breakfast, water for lunch, then we'd swell up for dinner.

   Gun Control: Use both hands.

   Lets just say I like my milk without the chunks. Don't ask me how I know this.

   I thought dressing for your shape was the new sexy, not dressing like a slut!

   So the US want to do away with 1 dollar bills and goto 1 dollar coins, I wonder what this will do to the Stripping industry, I see a comeback of fanny packs to put them coins in.

   Put down the Charlie Sheen magnifying glass, and pick up the mirror.

   Producers say 2-1/2 men won't go with out Charlie Sheen, I bet that makes that other guy and that kid feel good.

   hey home school kid, go into the home economics class and get me a beer.

   just rolled a huge joint out of my harvard rejection letter...life is grand.

   it's Monday everyone, hope you've had your Tiger's Blood!

   I had my dose of monday Tiger Blood, but I broke my freaking dragon tooth.

   Breaking News: Tigers around the world have united to argue the point that Charlie Sheen must be on illegal drugs. They claim that they have tiger's blood flowing in their veins and they don't act that crazy.

   Earlier I saw a guy wearing "Skinny Jeans" waiting at a crosswalk, so I decided to gas it for two main reasons. First I refuse to stop & wait on any guy wearing "Skinny Jeans" & Secondly If he walked out in front of me I would be doing the world a favor!

   There should be a Breast Cancer Awareness T-shirt that says "Yes they're fake! My real one's tried to kill me!"

   My neighbors keep listening to the same song over and over again…..whether they like it or not…..

   I remember that one time, before Facebook, when I went outside and did stuff.

   The rest of the world uses Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. I just learned some girl I hated in high school likes her new pedicure.

   The snow is always lighter on the other side of the road

   I'm Irish, give me a liver.

   I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common?